Rhyming Couple(t)s
by Vicki595
Summary: SG-1 are talking in ryhme, and they're doing it all of the time


Rhyming Couple(t)s  
  
TITLE: "Rhyming Couple(t)s"  
  
AUTHOR: Vicki  
  
EMAIL: little_miss_likes_to_fight@hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: Romance, Humour  
  
SPOILERS: Small mention of "Solitudes" and brief mention of Cassandra  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
CONTENT WARNINGS:  
  
PAIRING: Sam/Jack, Daniel/Janet  
  
SUMMARY: SG-1 are talking in rhyme, and they're doing it all of the time  
  
STATUS: Complete  
  
ARCHIVE: Archive: SJ yes, DanandJan yes, Heliopolis yes. All others ask first  
  
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
  
I think this one stemmed from the Buffy episode "Once More With Feeling" although I'm not intending for the characters to be singing this! Feedback is really welcome – even if it's just commenting on some of the more... interesting rhymes! (Poetry was never my strong point). And I'm sorry for leaving Teal'c at the base, but do you have any idea how hard it is to rhyme for a Jaffa? At least if they're drunk, they don't have to make sense!  
  
  
  
The klaxons sounded, indicating an off world activation of the Stargate. General George Hammond, the commanding officer of the SGC was not worried – he currently had five teams off world, and two were due back within the next forty-eight hours. His flagship team, SG-1, was only seven hours overdue, which made a change from their last few missions when they had returned early due to Goa'uld attacks, disturbing the natives or Daniel Jackson making the ground's acquaintance in a variety of ways.  
  
Hammond stepped into the control room, and stood behind Sergeant Davis. "Are we receiving a GDO code?" Hammond asked the technician.  
  
"Yes sir, it's SG-1," Davis told him, his eyes firmly glued to the screen in front of him.  
  
"Open the iris," the Texan officer ordered, as he made his way down to the gate room to meet his returning team.  
  
Two figures were emerging from the event horizon as Hammond entered the large room, where the Stargate stood proudly. They were easily recognisable as their resident friendly Jaffa, Teal'c and Doctor Daniel Jackson, their "rock expert," as he had been recently described. SG-1 was a unique team in the fact that they were composed of an alien who had once been their enemy, a scientist who had been laughed out of academia for theories that had since been proved correct and two Air Force officers. One who had been brought out of retirement to take part in the Stargate project while the other was the leading expert on the Stargate and one of the most brilliant astrophysicists in the world, much less the Air Force. And it was those two who appeared next through the Stargate; the Colonel with a supporting arm around his Major.  
  
Colonel Jack O'Neill, the tall greying leader of SG-1 was military throughout. He had served in special ops for most of his career, before a tragic accident concerning his son lead him to agree to undertake a suicide mission which had got him involved in the Stargate project in the first place.  
  
Major Samantha Carter was one of the few women stationed at the SGC. She had been a part of the team of scientists who had discovered how the Stargate had worked in the first place, although she had been forced to stay behind on the first Abydos mission. However, when the Stargate project was restarted, Hammond hadn't hesitated assigning her to SG-1 – despite O'Neill's initial objections.  
  
"Welcome back SG-1," Hammond greeted, noticing with satisfaction that with the exception of Carter, they all appeared to be fine.  
  
"Thanks General – it's good to be home," Jack replied. "I thought we'd never escape from that blasted dome."  
  
"Any reason why the debriefing shouldn't begin in an hour?" The General asked. He had found that consulting the teams about when they debriefed was less hassle than having them protesting when all they wanted to do was shower and get some sleep. He had realised that a couple of weeks ago when Daniel and Sam had almost fallen asleep on the table, with Jack not looking much better.  
  
"No sir, we'll debrief in an hour. That's enough time for physicals and a shower," Jack confirmed.  
  
Hammond began to notice a slight rhyming scheme in his 2IC's speech, but just dismissed it as a co-incidence.  
  
"Carter go to the infirmary please," Jack ordered, turning to face the woman he still supported. "Janet needs to see what you've done to your knees."  
  
"Sir, do you mind helping me?" Sam asked. "I don't want to put too much weight on my right knee?"  
  
Hammond was out of earshot when Carter started to rhyme as well; else he would have said something. Forgetting the coincidences, he headed back to the safety of his office as Jack replied "There's no way that I'd say no. Come on then; off we go!"  
  
* * *  
  
"Report Doctor," Hammond ordered as the petite doctor entered his office. "How's Major Carter and the rest of SG-1?"  
  
He indicated that she should take a seat, and as she did, she placed a thin brown folder on the desk.  
  
"Physically sir, with the exception of Major Carter, they're fine," Janet Frasier began. "The Major's strained the ligaments in her right knee, and there are various cuts and grazes on both her knees. I've cleaned them up, and bound up her knee; she should be fine in a week or so, providing she rests that knee."  
  
"That's good to hear," Hammond replied, secretly impressed that Doctor Jackson had managed to avoid getting injured. "Was there anything else Doctor?"  
  
"Well there's the fact that all of SG-1 are talking in rhyme," Janet reported, slightly puzzled about the whole incident. "Surely you noticed it General."  
  
"I did hear a slight rhyming scheme when Colonel O'Neill spoke to me," Hammond replied, thinking back to his brief encounter in the gate room. "I just assumed it was a coincidence."  
  
"So did I at first," Janet informed him, opening her folder. "Then I thought they were playing a joke. But then they just continued to talk in rhyme throughout their physicals, almost as if they were unaware of what they were doing. I got one of the nurses to transcribe parts of the conversation."  
  
She handed a sheet over to Hammond, who stared at it in surprise. Nothing like this had ever previously happened to the SGC, although he conceded that it *had* to have been SG-1.  
  
"Do you have any idea what's causing it?" he asked. "Is it contagious do you believe?"  
  
"I left Doctor Warner running more tests on them in the infirmary," Janet reported. "We should have the results back in a few hours. It doesn't seem to be contagious, as if it were it's likely that I would be talking in rhyme too by now."  
  
"Quarantine them once you've finished with them in the infirmary," Hammond ordered. "I'll order a lock down on the mountain just in case."  
  
"Yes sir," Janet replied, standing to leave. "I'll contact you as soon we get some more information."  
  
"Thank you Doctor," Hammond replied, as the auburn haired woman left the room. Picking up the red phone on his desk, he sighed. Why did it always have to be SG-1?  
  
* * *  
  
"You know, you're really mean," Jack stated, from inside the isolation room. "Putting us in quarantine. So what if we're talking in rhyme. Last time I checked, it wasn't a crime."  
  
"Yes, but Colonel it's rather usual that SG-1 came back from your last mission all talking in rhyme," Janet explained, pulling out a folder from underneath her arm and studying the contents. "However, I don't see any reason why this should be contagious. The MRI's show increased activity in the left hemispheres of your brains, but I have no idea how to reduce it."  
  
"Through the Stargate we must go," Daniel declared. "To find someone in the know."  
  
"Back we go to P3X392," Jack announced. "Janet, you should probably come too."  
  
Janet nodded. "The General agrees," she replied. "Which is why you, me, Daniel and Teal'c need to be suited up and ready to go in twenty minutes."  
  
"What about Carter?" Jack demanded. "Why can't we take her?"  
  
"Because sir, I've injured my knee," Sam explained. "I couldn't run if need be."  
  
"Okay, we'll see you when we get back," Jack conceded. "In the meantime, I suggest you hit the sack. I know you didn't get much sleep last night, so don't even try to fight."  
  
Sam just nodded, making Janet realise that it seemed that if they couldn't rhyme it, then they couldn't say it. Either that, or Sam was still irritated at what she termed 'a minor injury' keeping her out of the field.  
  
"I'll see you in twenty guys," Janet declared unlocking the door, allowing Jack and Sam enough time to make 'puppy dog' eyes at each other; privately saying their own goodbyes as people rather than officers.  
  
* * *  
  
"Well SG-1, Doctor, did you find anything of use on '392?" Hammond asked the four grimy explorers as they reappeared through the ring nearly four hours later. Sam was hovering anxiously over his shoulder, hoping for some good news.  
  
"Janet's now talking in rhyme too," Jack informed his CO wearily. "What are we going to do?"  
  
"Maybe we should just leave it here for the day?" Janet suggested, lowering her heavy pack to the floor. "See if it just goes away. SG-1 could do with some downtime – even before they started to rhyme."  
  
"You can all go back home tonight," Hammond told them. "But I would like to see you here at 1100 hours tomorrow to see if there's been any change, or if you have any other ideas. You're all dismissed after the infirmary clears you."  
  
"Everyone come home with me," Jack ordered as the five of them trudged out of the gate room heading to the infirmary. "We'll have our own little party."  
  
Sam opened her mouth to say something, but Jack cut her off. "By the way Carter – that's an order. Janet said to relax – you heard her."  
  
"Alright sir," Sam sighed, "just let me go home for a few. I've got some things I need to do."  
  
"That's fine, it's on the way," Jack replied, not at all fazed. "Just don't take too long – okay?"  
  
Sam nodded, as Teal'c turned to Jack. "I must stay and perform kel-nor- reem," he intoned. "So I am unable to join the rest of the team."  
  
"Okay then, we'll see you tomorrow," the Colonel replied, not minding if all the others dropped out just as long as Sam was going to be there. A sudden thought struck him. "And I'll bring you back your 'Mask of Zorro.'"  
  
The trip to the infirmary was blessedly short, although Janet had something to say about the physical her staff subjected her to.  
  
They were taking two cars to Jack's house. Jack took Sam to her place before going onto his, while Daniel and Janet went in her car to pick up some beer and pizza. Cassie was away on a school trip that week, so Janet didn't have to worry about her adopted daughter.  
  
"Carter, are you okay?" Jack asked in concerning, glancing at the woman next to him. "You've been quiet most of the day."  
  
"I'm fine sir, thanks for asking," Sam replied. "I just find this rhyming thing a little distracting."  
  
"That I can certainly understand. It's certainly got out of hand. At first it was kind of fun. Now I wish all was said and done."  
  
That was the extent of their conversation in the car, although normally they would find something to talk about, be it work, hockey or even the weather.  
  
However, Daniel and Janet had both got the hang of rhyming their conversations, even if the occasional words were in other languages.  
  
"So that dome was like nothing you'd previously seen?" Janet questioned, as she parked by the off-license.  
  
"No – I have no idea of what it could have been," Daniel replied. "And it's really irritating me. The whole planet was a mystery."  
  
"And there weren't even any people there," Janet added. "No one with whom we could compare."  
  
"I know, it was a shame," Daniel agreed, before turning to the beer. "Now – we getting all the same?"  
  
* * *  
  
Several hours later, two empty pizza boxes and countless beer bottles were strewn across Jack's living room floor. Daniel was lying across the sofa, with Janet sitting on top of his legs, pinning him down. Jack was sitting upright in his armchair; Sam lounging on the floor in-between his legs, her head lolling against his knee.  
  
"And then the village elder said to me," Daniel was in the middle of one of his favourite mission stories. "'Anj'ta kola. Siy'ta lo nor ke.' And I thought he said... Actually I can't remember, but it was something to do with my bed. I tried to tell him to get a life, but I actually told him that Sam was Jack's wife!"  
  
Janet threw back her head and roared with laughter, while Jack and Sam looked suitably embarrassed.  
  
"Okay Danny, I think that's enough," Jack interrupted. "Janet doesn't want to hear about all this stuff."  
  
"Actually, I think it's really funny," Janet declared, still chuckling. "Daniel you were a silly bunny."  
  
Jack and Sam just looked at each other. "The alcohol must have really gone to her head," the Colonel announced in a low voice so only Sam could hear him. "Maybe we should put her to bed?"  
  
"I've got a better idea instead," Sam purred. "How about you and me find ourselves a bed?"  
  
Before Jack had a chance to answer, he was interrupted by the loud bang that was Daniel falling on the floor, followed by the hysterical giggles of Janet who had claimed the sofa for herself. Daniel lay there stunned for a couple of minutes, before cautiously sitting up. "Oh the world is spinning," he announced. "Does anyone else feel like singing?"  
  
"Daniel, how much have you drunk?" Sam enquired of the anthropologist. "Because you seem to be as drunk as a skunk."  
  
"Well Sam, you're not much better than me," Daniel pointed out as Jack slid off the chair to join Sam on the floor. "You and Jack are looking pretty cosy. And you don't do that when you're sober." He turned to face the older man. "Jack – you look like any minute you're gonna disrobe her."  
  
"If he does, will you do that to me?" Janet pouted, stroking Daniel's head. "Because I'll get jealous you see."  
  
"Just keep your needles away, and I'll do whatever you say," Daniel replied, taking another swig of his beer. Janet got off the sofa and sat on his lap, as Sam lay down on the floor in front of the empty grate. Jack decided it was a good idea, and lay down behind her, pulling her to his chest.  
  
"Ah, sir. Not that I care..." she began.  
  
"It's my side arm, I swear," he whispered in her ear, invoking memories of their time together in Antarctica. Sam giggled, trying not to shiver at the sensation that his warm breath on the back of her neck was creating.  
  
"Let's take this upstairs," she whispered back. "Before Daniel starts asking for dares."  
  
"Well, Sam and I are calling it a night," Jack announced. "We'll see you in the morning – don't let the bed bugs bite!"  
  
* * *  
  
The sun was streaming through the open window the next morning when Sam awoke. Feeling as though she was being watched, she turned her head to stare up into the depths of the chocolate brown eyes of her lover. His head was propped up on his hand, and he had obviously been watching her sleep. His expression was so warm, and his eyes so full of love and contentment that Sam caught her breath slightly.  
  
"Sir... Jack, what are we going to do?" Sam whispered, allowing him to take her into his arms again. "All I know is that I love you." She buried her face in his chest, as if she was trying to hide from reality.  
  
Jack sighed, and moved his arms so he was able to lift her chin and look her in the eyes.  
  
"Sam, I've got something to say," he began hesitantly. "I'm tired of keeping my feelings at bay. I love you too Sam, and about the regs, I don't give a damn. The thought of me loosing you cuts me like a knife. So Samantha Carter, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"  
  
Tears brimmed into her wide blue eyes. "Nothing would make me happier than becoming your wife," she replied. "Together we can start a new life."  
  
Jack stared at her in disbelief, hardly believing that she was consenting. He gently wiped away the few errant tears trickling down her face, not aware of the ones flowing from his eyes. He pulled her towards him for a gentle kiss that soon increased in passion.  
  
"We've got to tell Daniel and Teal'c – Janet and Cassie too," Sam announced as they pulled away. "I just want to tell the whole world that I'm no love and gonna marry you."  
  
"We better get back to base," Jack replied, a slight frown marring his face. "Talk to Hammond face-to-face."  
  
"If I have to, I'll resign from the Air Force," she declared. "The SGC won't let me go – I'm too valuable a resource."  
  
"But Sam, I know how much the Air Force means to you," Jack protested. "You don't have to resign if you don't want to."  
  
"When we have children, I'll probably resign then," Sam warned him, and his face looked incredulous at the thought of having children with her. "I hate to burst your bubble, but a pregnant Major's going to be too much trouble."  
  
Jack sighed. "As usual Sam, you're probably right. At least I won't have to worry about you in a fire fight."  
  
"I won't be leaving the team and you," Sam replied in surprise. "Daniel's a civilian advisor, and I will be too."  
  
"We'll see is all I have to say," Jack told her warily, not sure if he wanted to risk loosing her off world. "Come on – let's get ready for the day."  
  
"You know, we've got at least an hour," Sam announced, glancing at the clock on the bedside table. "What do you say about sharing that shower?"  
  
She hopped out of bed, and Jack grinned at her as he followed. "Oh I like you."  
  
"I certainly hope you do," Sam shot back.  
  
"After you, Mrs O'Neill-to-be," Jack announced, indicating with a fluid motion of his hand. "Wow – I can't believe you're gonna marry me." He stood still just outside the en-suite, a dopey grin on his face.  
  
"Believe soldier, now get in here," Sam called from the other room. He stood in the doorway, and grinned at the view. She just arched her eyebrows. "I believe your mission objectives are nice and clear."  
  
Jack shut the door behind him.  
  
* * *  
  
The first thing that Daniel was aware when he awoke was the pounding in his skull. "Oh my aching, aching head," he groaned. "I'd swear I'd feel better if I were dead."  
  
A groan in reply caused him to turn his head – too quickly. "Not so loud, my head hurts too," Janet complained, squinting as the light fell across her face. Assessing her surroundings, her eyes shot open, and she wrapped the bedcovers tightly around herself. "Oh my God Daniel! What am I doing in bed with you?!"  
  
"The fact that we're both naked gives it away," Daniel informed her blushing as he felt around for his glasses, which were miraculously on the bedside table. "What happened last night anyway?"  
  
Janet's cheek colour rivalled Daniel's as she tried to think back to the previous night. "We must have had too much to drink," she declared positively, not actually remembering much after they had come to Jack's house. "Where are we do you think?"  
  
"We're still in Jack's house," Daniel informed her, looking around the empty bedroom. It was sparsely decorated, but comfortable. "We'd better be as quiet as a mouse. He drunk as much as us I'm sure. The last I remember he was lying on the floor."  
  
"Daniel – that wasn't the floor – that was Sam," Janet told him, facing him with wide eyes.  
  
"Which means... damn," Daniel exclaimed, realising that he and Janet hadn't been the only couple not getting much sleep the previous night. However, he and Janet couldn't be court-martialled, unlike their friends.  
  
"Come on Danny-boy, time to get up," Jack announced as he entered the room without knocking, freshly washed and dressed. As far as he was concerned, Sam was the best hangover cure he'd had in a while. "Sam's making coffee... JANET?!" Jack O'Neill, USAF Colonel, former special ops, head of SG-1 stood stunned in the doorway of his spare room, shocked at the sight of two of his friends in bed together with a distinct lack of clothing. Averting his eyes quickly, he noticed the trail of clothes around the room, before realising that looking at his bare feet was probably the safest option.  
  
"Colonel! You're not talking in rhyme!" Janet exclaimed, sitting up with the bedclothes still around her, regretting it when the world span. "But we are, so it's not worn off by time."  
  
"I was talking in rhyme earlier," Jack informed them, looking puzzled at this latest development. "Sam was there – just ask her."  
  
"What do you want to ask me?" Sam wanted to know, as she passed by the room and heard her name mentioned. She stuck her head in the door, resisting the urge to place her arms around her new fiancé. "I'll try to answer... oh my God! Janet? Daniel?"  
  
"She's not rhyming anymore either!" Jack exclaimed. "We're cured!" Putting his mouth close to Sam's ear he whispered in a voice that only she could hear. "Good thing too – I didn't want to try and have to rhyme our vows."  
  
Sam just smiled, even as Daniel reminded them "Uh Jack – it's only you two. What are me, Janet and Teal'c gonna do?"  
  
"It's the shock tactic of seeing us in bed," Janet theorised, blushing as she brought up the uncomfortable situation between her and Daniel. "It must do something to their head."  
  
"So, now we just have to shock them," Jack mused, before turning to Sam. "Any ideas Major?"  
  
"Hmm, just the one Colonel," Sam smiled up at him, playing along. He just smiled back, before moving to place his arm around her waist.  
  
"We want you to be the first to know we're getting married," Jack grinned, pulling Sam close.  
  
"Married?!" Janet and Daniel both exclaimed in unison, and Sam laughed at their reaction.  
  
"It worked," she exclaimed in delight. "Now I think you two have some things to... discuss, while we call General Hammond and inform him of the latest developments." And with that, she turned and left, dragging a still grinning Jack out of the door.  
  
"Uh Janet," Daniel began as the door closed behind their friends. "About last night..."  
  
"I really don't remember any of it," Janet confessed, her cheeks still tinged with red.  
  
"Me neither," he replied. He licked his lips nervously, before deciding to take the risk. "But I wish I did." He looked her straight in the eyes, which were wide.  
  
"You really mean that?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Daniel nodded; there was no going back now. "Me too." Her eyes flickered downwards, and then back up in time to see Daniel cross the gap between them and capture her lips with his. When they broke away for air, he smoothed the dark red strands away from her face with trembling hands.  
  
"I have wanted to do that for so long," she confessed.  
  
"Me too," Daniel grinned. "But I was scared you'd reject me, and I didn't want to risk our friendship."  
  
"I didn't want to make the first move while you were still mourning Shau're," Janet explained. "I didn't want you to feel that I was coming on too strong."  
  
Daniel studied her face carefully, before dropping a kiss on her forehead, and turning to leave the bed. Janet lay back on the pillows, a smirk on her face.  
  
"What?" Daniel asked, pausing in picking up his clothes.  
  
"Oh, nothing," Janet replied, still smirking. "Just enjoying the view." She shrieked with laughter as he threw her tank top at her head.  
  
"If you kids want any breakfast, you better come down soon," Jack called from the bottom of the stairs. "Then we've got to go to the base. Hammond said something about zatting Teal'c to give him a shock. Then Sam and I have to go and shock Hammond."  
  
Both Daniel and Janet could hear the waver of uncertainty in Jack's voice, and they looked at each other fearfully. They both knew the Air Force fraternisation regulations, and in the last twelve hours, Jack and Sam had probably broken every one of them.  
  
"Come on," Daniel told Janet as he finished buttoning her shirt for her. "Time to face a new day."  
  
"A new life," Janet amended. "And who knows where it will take us."  
  
* * *  
  
The end  
  
Copyright Vicki Pryke 2002  
  
All feedback to little_miss_likes_to_fight@hotmail.com 


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